Thoughts after another meditation retreat

So last month, after taking a break from work, I went on another meditation retreat.  As I mentioned previously, the last time I went it was pretty much the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and this time, I’d say something similar but for different reasons :)

 

This iteration, the mental challenge was much more pronounced compared to the physical one.  One has plenty of time to wrestle with ones own demons over the course of nearly two weeks.  The main one on this occasion seemed to be my fear, and how many of my actions were (on a subtle level) driven by fear.  The most difficult part of this realization was recognizing it was there and yet the recognization not being enough to make it go away.  Seeing how deep the issue is, and how it’s something that will take vigilance on a moment-to-moment basis to change.  I did all I could do – attempt to maintain awareness and equanimity of what was happening as the feelings arose, and inevitably, passed away.

 

Few other random thoughts:

1) I’m quite amazed that in the world of meditation, these retreats are basically like kindergarten, while for myself and at least a few people I know, the rigor and discipline involved here is near unfathomable lol

2) Important distinction between swimming and ‘swim-ology’ – Swim-ology is studying about swimming in a book but never touching the water.  I spent many years approaching meditation like swim-ology, reading everything there was to read on the subject, but seldom actually sitting.  As I am in the process of switching course a bit, I’m noticing a massive difference between swimming and swim-ology in terms of how my day to day life is impacted :)

 

I’m still not sold on the concept of doing this in such an intensive manner and would not recommend it to everyone (in fact, every time I finish one, I have no idea if it’ll be my last).  However, I cannot stress enough the value silence and introspection (free from dogma, religion, etc) has had on my life, and would definitely recommend these elements to anyone. 

Enabling voluntary simplicity

Over the last several months, I’ve learned that not keeping a permanent residence is the fastest way to overtly reduce the number of possessions one has :)  It’s been a really helpful way to pare down the sheer number of things I own (which is now down to about a few suitcases), but also to realize that regardless of how little I have physically on me, the number of mental possessions I have remains countless lol.

Part of the reason I’ve been doing this for a while is to try and be a bit less materialistic.  It’s funny how I’ve been pretty much looking to give stuff away for a while now, and whenever people comment on it, my reaction is “oh, its not like i’m a saint or anything, I just hate moving with so much stuff!” lol  So a good excuse. 

That being said, it’s also really hit home that just because one doesn’t have physical possessions doesn’t mean he/she has done anything to actually be less attached to the external world.  My mental possessions form a laundry list that is too long to count! 

So if the goal is to be environmentally friendly, voluntary simplicity is, i’m sure, a good way to start.  However, if the idea is to not be so caught up in one’s life, I get the feeling that the internal battle is way larger than than any number of possessions externally :)

East vs West - what happens when you're both?

Above is a picture of Devdutt Pattanaik, a mythologist who studies how an individuals cultural mythology affects his/her interactions on a daily basis.

 

The talk he gives is highly engaging and I'd encourage anyone to watch it, however, I found myself with a different perspective while watching.  I am both the east and the west.  Comfortable in both, at home in none.  If you're reading this, chances are you are in a similar boat :)

 

I was born and raised in Chicago/Phoenix, and while I went to public school and learned what anyone kid would, I would come home everyday and would hear the stories of the east that Mr. Pattanaik highlighted.  In fact, I remember hearing the story of Ganesha when I was 5 or 6 - it was taught to me as a lesson of how important one's parents are and to what extent they command one's respect.  Then, I would go to school and be taught to question EVERYTHING - no sacred cows.  So what happens when people like ME grow up?

 

I have a full-time job as a consultant and I spend a large amount of my time 'trying to win the race' (somewhat like Alexander), yet do not fully believe in there being a race to win.  Hence, I come home, and somewhat like the gymnosophist, spend long days in meditation or service work, trying to focus on the intentions within that lead to the actions without.

 

There's a lot of us out there, and I believe our two co-existing perspectives are not necessarily at odds with each other.  Clearly on a superficial level it allows us to empathize / connect with folks in either world, but it's even helpful outside of this. 

 

For example, it is my belief in absolute ways of measurement that leads my interest in economic development.  If we can measure progress and track it meticulously, we can develop action plans to continue it forward to help others.  A more traditionally western point of view.  However, the familiarity with 'context' from the east tells me that no measured answer can be correct, and constant changes to the model would be required for optimal results.  It is a continual attempt to balance head and heart, without either of which which you can end up with well-meaning but ill-conceived solutions.  Furthermore, my eastern perspective makes me think of any action I take not necessarily as something to 'save the world'. but the equivalent of 'action meditation' - something to help me understand myself and my place in the universe.  It is my way of 'conquering the world' by 'giving it all up' :)

An Angel in Queens

A couple months ago, Karmatube featured a video of Jorge Munoz, a bus driver from Queens who came home EVERY NIGHT to cook and feed 150 homeless people. Since then, he's been featured everywhere from USA Today to ABC News, etc. Yesterday, Shephali and I were able to tag along with Toan Lam, the founder of Go Inspire Go and the filmmaker who shared the story, as Jorge's family was surprised with a new stove, refrigerator, and microwave! Really inspiring stuff :)

Will leave it to the video to tell the full story when its released shortly :) but suffice it to say that everyone was very moved by what was happening. One of the things that really struck me about their family was the extreme level of service that was always on their mind. One crazy example: While we are helping cook the days food inside, I notice several younger folks helping us and they don't seem like immediate family. Turns out Jorge not only feeds folks on the streets, but he also takes young kids in while they get on their feet! They also get a lesson in service as they get to help with the daily cooking process :) I was so humbled to be in the presence of this family!

This is not to mention at all the story of Toan Lam, who is the reason we were able to experience this gift! Toan is a TV reporter for a major affiliate in SF who decides to stop reporting major media news and start documenting the truly inspiring. His non-profit is all about that goal, hope Karmatube gets a chance to deepen the relationship with him over time :)

If anyone wants to help the cause, just let me know, we'll make sure you're in touch!

What is 'adding value'?

I just realized I have no idea what that statement means even though it is pretty much the implicit force behind the business world. Every business activity is an attempt to 'add value' - from company mergers all the way down to a person showing up to work. here's the problem with it: it's calculated from a monetary perspective. the implicit question is 'how does what i'm doing make myself and others more rich?'

That seems all well and good at first glance, but lets play out an example: 2 housewives, each taking care of their own child. This is done for free (clearly) by both people and both are able to tend most appropriately to their own kids.

Now imagine a swap - each woman decides to take care of the other's children, and each receives the same rate of $20K/year from each other. According to the business world, everyone is richer under this scenario (GDP rises) and both women are adding tremendous 'value' compared to the other option.

There is something wrong with a system that applauds such a scenario. We see this again and again all over the world - sports players can act however they want as long as they perform ('add value') on the field and thus make everyone money, companies can treat the environment however they want as long as they create surplus value for their customers, etc.

My goal is to personally operate under a different idea of adding value - switch the question to 'how does what i'm doing make myself and others more happy?' The attempt to not correlate 'rich' with 'happy' means i'm more likely to smile, open doors for people, generally make life a more pleasant experience for myself and others even though none of those activities does a thing to bring more money into life.

cynics say 'but you don't know what makes others happy! you DO know what makes others rich' - if you don't know the path to the right answer and know the path to the wrong answer, does that mean you should choose the wrong answer?

is a smile 'adding value'? YES ... i'm going to start with that :)

Depleted attention

So i just started a new engagement at work.  It's pretty challenging adjusting to a new one and the first week is usually spent working pretty constantly trying to catch up with what's going on (especially when you're not familiar with industry / function).

 

This is all context for my behavior during this time - pretty meh if i do say so myself.  Not really thinking about anybody else, not really trying to be kind, helpful, generous, etc - just trying to get through the day.  My cousin has told me this could be because of my attention being depleted through being in a high stress situation.  Attention is apparently a muscle, and like all other muscles, can be built up and can be depleted. 

 

I notice this in myself all the time, i call it being frazzled :)  when my attention is depleted, the hair trigger approaches - smaller things set me off, I'm less able to keep the big picture in mind, less able to think about others.

 

Also good to know that meditation is a major BUILDER of attention (along with exercise, etc) - think I'll go sit!

The hidden costs of 'Consumption Philanthropy'

 

An amazing article from the Stanford Center for Social Innovation.  Small excerpt:

 

"I do my main charity work once a week—at the grocery store. Like some of you, this week I bought organic yogurt that not only is healthier for my family and the Earth, but also supports nonprofit environmental and educational organizations. I also picked up snack bars that promote peace (no kidding!) and salad dressing that funds various (unnamed) charities across the country. For all of this hard work, I rewarded myself with some Endangered Species Chocolate, which helps “support species, habitat, and humanity,” according to the company’s Web site. Delicious.

...

Consuming more will not solve today’s social and environmental problems. Indeed, consumption may very well create more of the kinds of problems that we had hoped philanthropy would fix. Relying on individual consumer choices, consumption philanthropy is unsuited to the scale or complexity of the problems it seeks to fix. Couched in market transactions, it neither acknowledges the voice of the transactions’ beneficiaries nor gives philanthropists the satisfaction of mindful virtuous action. And caught in the mechanisms of the market, it obscures the fact that the market caused many of the problems that philanthropy seeks to redress."

 

To some extent, this is why I love the idea of going to Central Park and handing out cookies / lemonade.  The point is not to actually give people anything material, but to enhance the feeling of connection and build a space in which to cultivate mindful selfless action.  We are all just random people, yet we are all clearly not.